Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Years 2010

It has been a long time since I posted on here. So I figured it was time to put up one more post with only 2 hours left in 2009.

2009 had less changes than 2008. There were no fireworks for July 4th, no turkey at Thanksgiving, but there was one last Christmas dinner in Cali. And there were many good times at Packers training camp, the Packer pre-season game in Phoenix and of course the opening game at Lambeau against the Bears.

As this year comes to a close, like most people, I am reflecting on the memories of this past year...but looking forward to the memories that will be made in 2010. I am moving back to WI this upcoming year. I need to go home and "re-group" to determine my path in life. I am looking forward to spending time with family and friends that I have missed for 8 years.

I will miss the friends I have made here in San Diego. I will also miss the beautiful sunny weather in the winter. But weather is just weather. Life isn't about where you live, it's about the choices you make no matter where you live.

As I embark on my new adventure, I wish all my family and friends a very Happy New Year. May 2010 bring you all that you have hoped for!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Coming home

Last weekend I was talking with a good friend as we ventured in Del Mar. We were chatting about life, dreams and disappointments. I had mentioned that since cutting ties with several people in Cali, life has been a little lonely. But, I also mentioned that the strangest part of all is that I have reconnected with several people back in WI. I told my friend that I can trust those people in WI more than I could ever trust the people I thought were friends in Cali. I asked my friend if she thought I was going crazy and she told me the best thing I have ever heard. She said that I wasn't crazy, but that I had just gone home.

After thinking about what she said I came to the conclusion that she was right. I have said this before and I am going to say it again, more and more I am feeling like my old self. Which makes me believe that it's true what other people say, that a person never really changes. Little fragments of a person may change, yet the core remains constant. Therefore, it makes sense that I have come home in a way. I am seeking out that which I can depend on. I am searching for comfort and stability. Yet, it still makes me laugh that I had to venture over 2,000 miles away from friends and family to realize how lucky I am.

I am not sure where this road called life will take me. I merely know that I am still sight seeing. While my good friends back home are far away in distance, they are only a phone call away for a long chat. And it is a great feeling to be at home.

Friday, January 16, 2009


At 32 years old, I have found that life will throw you a lot of curveballs. Yet, some of the hardest to overcome are the disappointments in love.

As a child I believed in the Cinderella story. I thought that Prince Charming would sweep this princess off my feet. I was hopeful that love would be magnificant and I would live happily ever after. As a teenager, I was in love with the idea of true love. I still believed that it would find me if I was just patient and let it arrive. As an adult, I learned that true love is what hurts the most. It can break a person and change his/her life forever.

I have heard the saying that you cannot die from a broken heart. While I believe that is true, I think that a part of you can die with a broken relationship. No matter how someone deals with a break up, that relationship and all it's aftermath will change him/her. Everyone deals with the loss of love differently. I have recently realized that I have become jaded and bitter in matters of the heart.

While I may be bitter, I realize that the bitterness may fade in time. When I am ready to allow love back in, I will. I also recognize that while love can be painful, it's impossible to run away from it. If your heart hurts, it will hurt no matter where your location. The only way to move on is to reconcile those feelings.

Love is a funny thing. It can be glorious and gut-wrenchingly painful as well. Regardless, if you have ever been in love or are currently in must admit that love changes each and every one of us in it's own unique way. For better or worse, love has shaped who I am today.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

The movie Mr. Holland's Opus incorporates an old saying, "Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans." Recently, I have been thinking about those moments where you have a choice to change the course of your life. Sometimes those moments occur within a second and you may not even realize how the outcome will shape your future. Then other moments are more recognizable, those are the moments where you stop and think before taking action.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. So I am inclined to think that even when making a split second decision, we make the right choice. Still, it can cause you to question your decision when you look back. I think about some of the choices I have made in my life and I think how different my life would be if I had chosen the other path.

I am a person that believes you should stand by your decisions...never do something you may regret later. And as an adult I have learned that isn't always possible. Still, our lives are what we make of them. And that is what I believe that saying means. Don't get so caught up in planning your life that you forget to look around and enjoy your surroundings. That is my goal for 2009. I vow to not be so absorbed in my job that I forget to appreciate how lucky I am. This is a thank you to all my friends and family that I have neglected all these years. God bless you all for standing in my shadow when I was too selfish to share the limelight.

Best wishes to everyone that may read this and Happy New Year to everyone as well!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Second chances...

This past week has been very interesting to say the least. My sister interviewed for her first internship. It was crazy at work and I learned a piece of information that was about 9 months too late. I spent my first Thanksgiving completely alone. Still, after all the loneliness, craziness and disappointments I have discovered another one of life's great lessons. It is the lesson that life will put curves in your road, but it is impossible to do a u-turn and go back unchanged.

I tell my associates everyday that we all make choices. There will always be consequences for those choices, good or bad. As I have learned this year, even though we may be aware of that...we very rarely are aware of how our choices affect those around us. I never believed my life would turn out the way it has, but when I look back at my choices I wonder how I could not have seen this outcome. Regardless, my life hasn't turned out all that bad. It isn't what I had planned it to be, but maybe that's the beauty of it.

I have loved and lost. I have ventured and not gained. I have jumped and fallen. But through all life's curves and disappointments, I have found wonderful friends. So it is with that conviction that I can still travel home and not cry. I can still go to work and not have a breakdown. And most of all, I can recognize that when I allow "moments" to pass with potential nice guys...those moments are few and all too far between. Still, once the moment is gone it is hard to jump back in and recreate it.

Yet, as of late I find myself wishing for the innocence of youth. Hoping that I will open my front door one day to find Mr. Nice Guy who wants to grow old with me. Although we can never go back unchanged, when we do visit past haunts we see things from a completely new perspective. That is the point my friends. You can go back, it will not be the same, but it can be a new beginning.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

New faces.

I have finished moving into my new place. I am about 98% unpacked and settled in. I must admit that it feels good to have the stress of uncertainty behind me. My new place is a duplex, not a house. Although it is smaller than my house in Serra Mesa, it is a good size for me. Most importantly it is place I can hang my hat and call home for awhile.

It is true that this year was very stressful on me with this move. Still, one good thing did come of this...I managed to find me again. For the first time in years, I feel adventurous. I don't want to be the girl who settles for the here and now. I want to be the girl that is always testing the waters. Thankfully after all that I experienced this year, that girl has resurfaced.

This upcoming year will be a year of more changes. I can't wait to start travelling again in 2009. I will begin my "new" job search as soon as January arrives. I will also be looking at places to live in Los Angeles, Chicago or possibly the east coast. Best of all, I will enjoy every minute with my friends. While I am still in Cali, I want to enjoy all the beautiful places that I have taken for granted these past 6 years.

I'll leave you with the thought that has consumed me for weeks: Life is too short, don't forget to stop and relish in the wonder that is all around you.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is one of those holidays that is just fun and ageless. For kids halloween is about the thrill of dressing like your favorite character and don't forget the candy. When you are in your twenties halloween is about the parties! As a parent halloween is about ensuring that your child has a great time. Others find joy in greeting the trick or treaters with candy when the doorbell is rung. But no matter what your age, halloween will always bring out your inner child. Regardless of your age, I wish everyone a very happy halloween this year!